a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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