I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
