if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
