It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
