Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
