she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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