I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
