i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
