i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
