I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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