I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
