dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
