Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
