she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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