What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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