Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
