I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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