You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize