Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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