Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
