Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
