I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
