Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
