I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
