3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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