I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
