we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
