I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
