do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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