Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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