i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
