I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
