Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
