That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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