the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
