1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
