you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
