I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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