That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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