She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
