your parents love me but you hate me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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