Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have post one night stand depression
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
