i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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