that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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