She is in my trunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
