im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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