He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
