Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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