I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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