I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's Friday. Sex?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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