it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
