All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
