saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
