We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
