How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
