Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
