Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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