ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize