I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
