C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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