Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
