well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
