can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
