I could have mohawked her pubes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
