I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
