About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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