I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
