I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
