I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
