So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
